I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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