They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
