As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
