Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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