so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
