Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I want is dick and wine.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
