ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just puked most of my soul out..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
