so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
