Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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