we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I looked at my own cervix.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
