so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
