first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
