my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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