How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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