Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize
