i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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