the condom got lost in my hair
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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