My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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