In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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