I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
