is your mom at the bar?
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
