theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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