i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
