I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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