Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
