Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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