I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
