aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
