It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
