I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Screwed.edu
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
