Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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