All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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