Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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