she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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