Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
