Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
