90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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