too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wear drunk well.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
