even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
