Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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