hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
