Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
3 2 1 whiskey
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
