Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
