you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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