did you get engaged???
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
that's an acceptable place to lick
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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