Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
