we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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