I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Drunk is not a location!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize