This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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