Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
