That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
