this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
