I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
