Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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