i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
