i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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