I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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