Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This girl is more easily done than said...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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