Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
