my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
