I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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