i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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