in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize