Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
