I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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